ok so I am a mom now!! My last blog I was still Pregnant! I had a beautiful baby boy April 11, 2011 at 1:53 that afternoon. He was 7 pounds 4 oz. and 20 inchs long. It was a wondering experience and I would do it all over again in a heart beat! I love him to pieces and I am so happy that we have Chandler party of 3 now! Being a Mom is the best thing in the world. Dont know how much love you can give a person untill it happens to you. There itsnt the words to describe after childbirth. Just BLISS.
Ok now I will update you on everything that has happened the past 8 weeks.. while I am supposed to have a wonderfull maternity leave... NOT!!
The first weekend home we went to GA for Easter. That was fine. Alittle stressful only becuase I wanted to make sure everything was packed in the car right and organized and he was happy and full. I was breastfeeding and I knew it would be a little harder than normal becuase of travel. But all in all we had a great time .. and I am so glad that we got to see Jakes family. We dont get to see them muchn and they had a good time meeting Kaleb.=)
The very next week we have a series of storms that pass through Birmingham. A we dont have a basement at our house so Jake and I would make a decision to go to my parents house with a basement. On April 27th we made that call.
Jake woke me up from my nap and told me to get dressed and have a diaper bag packed becuase the tornado was headed our direction. We got Kaleb and Glory in our car and went on our way to my moms. After 6 oclock that night the storm was over and our neighbored never looked the same. Its terrible. I live in Concord. Concord is gone. My neighborhood was flat.. homes were distroyed. animals were lost and people were killed. Terrible. We are very thankfull that our house is still standing but damaged. Our Yard is destroyed and trees are gone.. but that can be fixed. I have everything i need and that is my family. I dont know what I would have done if we were home and had to witness all of it first hand. Scary. I am very sad that we are not living at our house. Kaleb has yet to experience his nursery. He has not got to sleep in his bed yet. I never had that chance to rock him to sleep in his bedroom or read him a story in his bedroom. I cry everytime i think about our home. Jake ,poor thing, wants his garden so badly. He worked so hard planting and tilling up the ground. so for 6 weeks we have moved into another house untill ours is fixed. We are just wanting for the insurance to help us.
After the tornado my body went through alot of stress. I never produced the breastmilk that I wanted. Kaleb never got full and was fussy. I pretty much dryed up and couldnt nurse anymore. My body just couldnt keep up with what was going on. I started giving him formula. I am very sad that the lord gave me breast to feed my child and I am unable too. Its the worse feeling in the world to know that your child is hungry and you cant really do anything about it and you cant give him the healthyest food out there. But he is happy with a bottle of formula that is all that matters.
Along with everything else, my grandmother passes awhile on Mothers Day. Kaleb was born on her brithday and she passed away on the day he was dedicated at church. My best friends mother is dying of cancer and its only a matter of time when that happens. That will be another sad day for me. She is like my second mother. Always been there for me.
My life is a struggle right now. I am an emotional basket case. I started back to work Yesterday. Which is a good and bad thing. I want my life to get back to normal and that is the only thing that is normal for me right now. I miss my son to pieces though. I miss that smell and that face soo much. I want to work for the adult time and the pay check.. but i want to be home with him and watch him grow. I am so stressed beyond you can imagine with life. I want so badly to be the best mother and the best wife. I dont feel sexy anymore for Jake. He can tell me I;m pretty all day long... but I still look in the mirror and see a fat person. I am so ready for the baby weight to go away. I wish there were enough hours in the day to work out when i got home and not feel mentally and physically exhausted. I want to say that everything is going to be ok about my house... but I cant say that for sure. I want to move back home soo bad... but cant live there with a newborn. Jake and I are already stressed having a newborn... and then to top off the fact we arent home and dont have all our stuff... its crazy. I try and keep a smile on my face and tell him that we are goign to be ok... but its soo hard. I want to cry all the time. So does he everytime he see a garden. To top everything off , yesterday my car has transmission problems...so I am in a rent a car. Thankfully my car is under warrenty, becuase we dont have any extra money right now.
Anyway, that is my life in a nutshell. We are making it .. =) Please pray I dont loose my mind.
