DECISIONS, DECISIONS, DECISIONS

Ive got so much on my mind these days.

I wont share to much and get you all suckered into my sappy drama.

1. I am feeling more and more sad about the house situation. I cant believe it will be 3 months on the 27th this month. State Farm sucks so bad and has no heart nor care about our situation. From the rate this is going, we wont be in our house for Christmas, much less New Years. I will cry like a baby if my child starts walking before he is home. I don't want him to take his first steps in a home that he cant call home. He don't know any difference but his momma sure does! and It completely sucks! Once we hear back from state farm from this last report , we need to sit down and discuss our options. Either we fight more and settle with what they present us.

2. So from that, DO we get a loan and add more debt to our family???
We are thinking about adding another loan to help pay for the rest of the construction on our house. Do we or Don't we?? We are doomed either way. Either we have a house that is " half way fixed, because we don't have the money to do so. or we have a house that is beautiful and whole again but we would be in debt up to our nose??"

3. I have thought about tackling another job. Having two jobs, both full time, and raising my family. Is this possible? I would love the extra money for daycare.. but will I be around to watch Kaleb make his firsts at his development stages??

4. I have even thought about not working any more to stay at home with Kaleb and not having to fork out daycare expenses. But we would have to sacrifice alot. And I would loose great insurance. So that is probably not wise. I HIGHLY doubt this will ever happen until we have our second child.. but still.. its a thought.

5. Does Jake save money or buy a new boat? In my opinion, I would love to save money. Who knows when we will need an extra 500 for new tires.. or got for bid I loose my job and we need to support us until I get another job. But I want Jake to feel happy again. I want him to call something his own. I want him to feel special and proud that he has a boat completely paid for. He has a picture perfect future of him and his son fishing together in a great boat. Sounds great to me.. but do we take this risk???

I need lots of prayers coming my way. I don't want to be a crazy person. I want to be calm and have all my ducks in a row. I want to be sweet and have my head on straight. I think I am having a great day and then BAM I have lost my patience and there I go arguing about the silliest things. Jake and I love each other.. and we are the best of friends... but this stress can be terrible at times and I don't want us to fight. I want us to be happy always. I want to be a delight to be around. I don't want to take medicine.. I know I might have to one day or go to therapy.. but I am embarrassed and sad and I just want to be NORMAL.. that's all . I want my life to be normal again. Please pray for me. Pray for my patience and strength to get through these hard times.